The Cost of Misplaced Access

Proverbs 5

We are now on day 5 of wisdom with the Book of Proverbs, and one thing I’ve realised just from the past couple of chapters is how often it says to listen closely and pay attention. It starts nearly everything of importance this way, and that made me understand that there is a proximity you have to have to wisdom. You cannot be distant from it and expect it to lead you.

I remember a narrative about two ladders, and someone was explaining that one is the friendship ladder and one is the relationship ladder. The relationship ladder is someone climbing with you, while the friendship ladder is someone climbing beside you., and how if you were on the friemd ladder you couldn't just jump to the relationship ladder.

And Proverbs 5, especially from verse 1 to 14, feels like a depiction of that, because it speaks of two types of people: those who have wisdom and those who don’t. The person who doesn’t, doesn’t even consider their path. It’s not even like a blind person, because a blind person knows they cannot see, but this person doesn’t even know where they are going. They are completely unaware. And if someone doesn’t know where they are going, where will they eventually lead you?

So what happens when you are on a ladder where wisdom has not been obtained? The goodness of the Lord cannot fully be there, because there is no foundation for it to rest on. And sometimes we think it’s easy to just step off to the side and meet someone who has wisdom at their level, but if you didn’t have stability on your own ladder, that movement will shake you and you could end up falling completely.

That’s where grace comes in, because if you catch yourself early, you can step down and start again. There is nothing wrong with starting from scratch, nothing wrong with going back to the beginning and even just learning the definition of something so you can actually apply it in your life. It’s like reading a book and only understanding the names but not the vocabulary, not the pronunciation, not the grammar. You’ve read it, but you haven’t understood it.

And something that really stopped me in this chapter is that sometimes wisdom isn’t about wickedness, it’s about people-pleasing. Because in verse 9 it says otherwise you will give your vitality to others and your years to someone cruel. And we’ve all had moments where we’ve poured into someone, hoping for change, without even putting it before God in prayer. Just assuming that our position in their life would be enough to change them. But no desire for someone to change is greater than their own desire to change, and no effort replaces surrender. It also says that strangers will drain your resources, and that made me think about how not everyone understands discipline. According to the Bible, our brothers and sisters are those who do the will of God, so when someone is not aligned in that way, they can become a stranger to your house, a stranger to your resources, because they don’t understand what discipline looks like. They don’t understand why you say no, or why you can’t give, or why you’re choosing to hold back. Because discipline isn’t about whether you can afford something, it’s about what you are training yourself for. And wisdom sometimes looks like choosing not to pour, even when you have the ability to.

And this chapter shifted something for me because it made me realise that wisdom is not always about choosing between good and evil, but sometimes between wisdom and your current level of discipline. It can look like draining yourself to fill someone else’s cup, when God speaks about an overflowing cup. That means your cup must be filled first before you pour into others. That’s not selfishness, that’s how God designed it. So when you constantly find yourself empty, the question is not where is God, but where have you misplaced wisdom in your life?

And then it speaks about marriage, and how we are actually meant to enjoy one another, and that stood out to me because it shows that enjoyment is not a sin when it is in the right place. A man who finds a wife finds a good thing, and wisdom is described as more precious than jewels, so there is a connection there that what you find should also be wise, and what is found should be rooted in Christ.

The way I understood it was like being in a restaurant. You sit down, you order food, and when it comes you enjoy it freely because there is a certainty that it is yours. There is no tension, no hesitation, because you know it has been given to you in the right way. But imagine eating that same food knowing you don’t have the money to pay for it. You might still enjoy it, but there is something underneath it, because you know it doesn’t actually belong to you. And when the bill comes, you realise that what you enjoyed was never yours, and now you are in debt to something you had no covering for.

That’s what it’s like when we step outside of God’s design. It’s not that enjoyment is wrong, but that it was taken out of order. Because God is not against enjoyment, He is against disorder. So it’s not about denying yourself connection, it’s about understanding what is truly yours and what requires commitment before access, because anything taken outside of that may feel good in the moment, but it will eventually cost you.

It also speaks about your springs flowing into the streets, and it made me realise that what belongs in your house should not always be in the public. Because once it is public, people will walk over it, misuse it, misunderstand it, and very few will actually protect it. And that applies so much to relationships, because marriage is not for everyone else, it is for the two people and God. And when God is at the centre, there is already an understanding that this person belongs to Him, so I must treat them with that awareness.

So Proverbs 5 really showed me that wisdom is not loud, it is not rushed, and it is not something you can jump into. It requires closeness, attention, discipline, and sometimes the humility to step down and start again properly. It’s not just about avoiding what is obviously wrong, but about correcting what feels normal but is actually misaligned, and understanding that you cannot skip levels, you have to build them.

Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

I pray for strength and fruitfulness. I pray that my years are not given to what is cruel. I pray that my resources remain within Your covenant and that You use me as You desire. Lord, let wisdom be present in every area of my life, not just the obvious ones. Keep me and guide me daily. I pray that the covenant of marriage, now or in the future, remains between myself, my partner, and You, and does not spill into public spaces. Continue to keep me in Your will. Let my wisdom grow, let my understanding deepen, and teach me to always listen closely and pay attention to Your Word, so that I may reflect You on earth as You are in heaven, in Jesus name, Amen.